I’ve spent a lot of time this year thinking about authenticity. And, fittingly, this notion was the centerpiece of a project I was honored to contribute to last month. Out district’s (terrific) middle and high school counselors put on The Empowerment Project wherein teachers were asked to write letters to our younger selves. We were filmed reading our letters, and those clips came together in a beautiful chorus of stories and life-lessons for the audience to learn from. Not only was this exercise therapeutic for me personally, but the experience of writing a letter to my younger self helped me reframe the way I think about teaching, mentoring, and raising up the students and children in my life.
So, it is with a bit of nervousness and a lot of vulnerability that I share my letter with you. I hope it will inspire you to think about how your story, your journey, and your own life-lessons shape the very important work you do each day.
Dear Younger Me,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You love a good laugh and can throw out a witty line with the best of them. You are loved more than you can imagine by your family. But, you already know all of this. You’ve still got a lot ahead of you, so here are a few things to help you along.
I know you fret an awful lot about your physical appearance. You want to fit in; you want to be liked. Your appearance is so important it feels like your only identity. Listen, you are more than what you look like on the outside. So stop worrying so much about it. Anyone who makes a big deal about how you look is not someone you should give yourself to.
Instead of focusing on superficial things — like clothes and a pretty face —, invest in your mind, your heart, and your faith.
Instead of trying to be liked and fit in, love and include others.
Remember in the seventh grade, when you were one of only two kids to get cut from the volleyball team? Granted, prior to tryouts, you had never played volleyball a day in your life — but still — you were devastated and humiliated. And then, horrifically, that same year, you signed up for track and collapsed in an asthma-induced wheezing fit during the mile. With everyone’s eyes fixed on you as they trotted on by, you sat there feeling like an idiot. These were low-points to be sure, but you were so quick to give up. You quit the track team and never even considered developing volleyball skills and trying out again. You will eventually learn that you are capable of so much more than you think. Asthma can be managed and scrawny arms can be made strong. Pick yourself up even when you’re embarrassed or scared to fail again.
It pains me to tell you this, but it’s the truth. You will have to say goodbye to some people you love way, way too soon. The grief that accompanies all of this will feel crippling. It will be tempting to shove it down, numb it, ignore it, and run from it. But don’t. Let yourself cry. Feel emotion. If someone offers you a shoulder to cry on, take it and soak it with your tears. It takes courage to let your emotions show. And when you walk through the darkness of pain and let yourself grieve, you will awaken in the morning to light, new eyes, and a joy you never knew was possible. People who love you will surround you, and care for you, and want to be your friend. Let them in.
But know this: it takes work to heal, repair, and mend wounds. It’s easier to hide from pain and isolate yourself, but don’t take the bait. Fall into the arms of your beloveds. Bravely confide in people you trust. Take the time to build and foster new relationships. And know that healing will come.
One day, not long from now, you will meet someone who sees into your soul. You will know this person is your person because he will treat you like a queen. But for all of his doting over you, he will value and cherish your intellect and talent more than anything. He will support your work, your ideas, your passions, and most of all, he will challenge you to make them better. Your joy will be his joy, and his joy will be your joy. This is the one your heart should love.
Keep taking time to reflect and grow. The work of growing up never stops. You will never have it all figured out, but your faith will guide you and your dear ones will support you.
Finally, there are people all around you who need to be loved. Pray for eyes to see them and have the boldness to love them. In this you will find meaning, strength, and joy.
You are a gift to this world.